This morning David Tennant was up bright and early to join
Christian O’Connell at Absolute Radio to co-host the Breakfast Show and appear
in the show’s Nativity play. It has to be said that his performance surpassed
all expectations (although you may ask yourself how high were these in the first
place) and frolics and festive fun were had by all.
Read what happened below:
Read what happened below:
David dragged the Absolute Radio Breakfast Show into the
gutter from the offset. Having had his first look at Christian O’Connell’s
script for the station’s much anticipated Nativity play, David denied that he
was edging towards the door and was, in fact, starting the extensive
preparation he does for every role. However, he couldn’t resist a mention of
Mary’s hymen, sending the rest of the Breakfast crew reeling. “It’s just a
biological reference!” he protested.
Richie launched into an explanation about why they probably
wouldn’t be around much beyond 11am as it was the day that the ancient Mayan calendar
appeared to indicate the end of the world. All of the theories – a dark comet, a
super volcano, magnetic reversal and the frankly quite bizarre fox cancer debunked by the incredulous David,
mainly on the grounds that it had already passed the time point in Australia!
On the subject of foxes, Christian brought up the subject of
the lion poo that a zoo had sent him in the post to ward off the foxes from his
garden. David had an even bigger confession – he goes out under cover of
darkness to urinate in his garden to scare off the noisy, messy beasts. “It
works!” he claimed” But you have to do it every night”. Christian made comment
that it would also, in David’s case, be fortified by Irn Bru.
David got particularly competitive over the Christmas TV Schedule
Game but despite a strong start he was beaten by Maggie Doyle. Next, the End OfThe
World theory was finally debunked by a powerful email by listener James
Franklin. “It’s just the end of the calendar, like ours ends on December 31st”
James ranted “Just start a new calendar the next day! That’s what the Mayans
did!”
David gave a bit of feedback about the Nativity script that
he was perusing. He was stumped by a couple of the references. “Who is
Christopher Maloney?” he asked. “He came third in the X Factor” Christian
explained “But you can be excused for not knowing that”. David admitted that he
didn’t have any further problems with the script at that moment. Christian dubbed the Nativity play ‘Nativity 3’.
David took the opportunity for a swift bit of promotion. “Nativity 2: Danger In
The Manger, of course, still in all good cinemas” he said. There was an awkward
couple of minutes when several of the crew admitted that they hadn’t seen the
film yet, although they all promised faithfully to do so.
The team went through their last texts ahead of asking
listeners to forward their own. David’s was a rather starry one with a
Christmas greeting from Jessica Hynes “With four kisses” he added. Listener texts led to
a discussion about last night’s Eastenders. An unfortunate description of actor
Jamie Foreman’s physique left Richie and Maggie fearing for their lives when
details of Foreman’s own East End connections were revealed. “You brought the
Mayan apocalypse on yourselves” David told them.
Christian asked David when he would next be on screens.
David mentioned Spies Of Warsaw on
BBC Four. Christian asked him about his blond perm that he’d sported when he’d
seen him in the summer “No, that was for something else” said David, evasively
(it was for The Politician’s Husband).
The inevitable question of the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary came up. “No-one
has been on the phone to me” claimed David. No-one believed him: “Look at that
wink”. “It’s a lazy eye!” protested David.
Meanwhile the Nativity play cast were starting to turn up. Two
of the wise men had arrived along with a very hungover Ian Wright, who still wasn’t
aware of his casting. David had a first look at his costume. “It doesn’t seem
very substantial” he said warily, inspecting a bra. He wasn’t too impressed
with the smell of it either. He then dedicated the next song to Ty “Who is
developing some quite excellent musical tastes” – Let It Be by the Beatles
It was time to get into costume. Christian was delighted
with David’s appearance: “You haven’t shaved for a couple of days and you have
an enormous Adam’s apple. You’re an emo Mary!” Ian Wright’s role was finally
revealed when he was presented with his costume: a hungover Midwife Dinosaur!
The Nativity itself was notable for terrible puns, shaky
delivery and missed cues along with a manger constructed and sponsored by
Wickes. David pulled out all the stops in his childbirth scene, performing
labour scenes with a gusto that can only have him nominated for an Olivier
award next year. “It’s called acting. They don’t just hand out those BAFTAs” he
said. Ian Wright stepped up, despite his hangover and being lumbered with the
hottest costume of them all. It was clear that one or two of the cast hadn’t
prepared their lines as much as Christian might have requested. The play was punctuated
by snippets of songs performed by singer-songwriter Newton Faulkner and
rounded off with a lusty singalong to Wonderful Christmastime.
.
Afterwards with Christian still out of the room basking in
the post-performance glory, David and Richie threatened to barricade him out of
the studio and take over the show. At last the cast and crew all gathered to
dissect their performance. Wrighty wanted to take the dinosaur outfit home “because
it’s warm”. Christian begged him to wear it home so that other motorists could
look over and be presented with the vision of Ian Wright driving a car while
dressed as a dinosaur. Sadly the footballer declined.
David decreed the last half hour of the show to be a free
for all where any music can be played, including Christmas hits. “This morning
we’ve had the Smiths and Arctic Monkeys. Let’s get festive!” He insisted that
Christian play The Pogues and Kirsty Maccoll’s Fairy Tale Of New York. “There, it’s Christmas now” he said as the
song faded away. He went on to wish the winner of the phone in competition Nadolig
Llawen: “That’s your actual Welsh”. Christian got David to dedicate a song to
his mother and Maggie revealed that her own mother was very proud of their
performances in the nativity. Christian is determined to bring Maggie’s mum in
as a guest. David was worried that, as they live quite close to each other, she
may have spotted him peeing in the garden late at night.
With the clock ticking down and the crew wishing one another
Merry Christmas Christian signed off for the year with a 30-second blast of Zoom by Fat Larry’s Band, a song that he
had promised to make his final track of 2012.
The show podcast and film of the Nativity play will be
available on Absolute Radio later today.
This morning’s playlist:
Slade – Merry Christmas
Everybody
Of Monsters And Men –
Little Talks
Oasis –
Cigarettes And Alcohol
Iggy Pop – Real Wild
Child
Black Keys – Gold
On The Ceiling
They Might Be Giants –
Birdhouse In Your Soul
Adam And The Ants –
Goody Two Shoes
The Smiths – This
Charming Man
Jake Bugg – Two Fingers
Primal Scream –
Rocks
Adele – Skyfall
Arctic Monkeys –
Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor
The Beatles – Let
It Be
Florence And The
Machine – Spectrum (Say My Name)
Human League –
Don’t You Want Me
The Lumineers –
Ho Hey
Stereophonics – The
Bartender And The Thief
Rolling Stones –
Doom And Gloom
Coldplay ft. Rhianna
– Princess Of China
Gotye – Somebody That
I Used To Know
Green Day -
American Idiot
REO Speedwagon –
Can’t Fight This Feeling
U2 – Mysterious Ways
The Pogues and Kirsty
Maccoll – Fairytale Of New York
Newton Faulkner –
Dream Catch Me
Bruce Springsteen
– Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
The Proclaimers –
(I’m Gonna Be) 500 Miles
Red Box – Lean On
Me
Fat Larry’s Band
- Zoom
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